The Only Person
by Evanescent Penumbra
Summary: Tessa died. 14 months later, after the whole ordeal, Shane still blames Cade for getting her involved. Until he sees just what the older man has been doing to himself. Warnings: Angst, mentions of self-harm, mentions of alcohol abuse


**A/N: Request for a friend. She just saw the new Transformers movie and wanted more angst. Just a small fic, with mostly angst.**

**Summary: Tessa died. 14 months later, after the whole ordeal, Shane still blames Cade for getting her involved. Until he sees just what the older man has been doing to himself.**

**Warnings: Angst, mentions of self-harm, mentions of alcohol abuse**

* * *

Shane stormed into the older man's apartment with a snarl on his face. "Where the hell are you?" He barked, slamming the door shut behind him. The only reason he was checking up on the man was because he promised Tessa he would.

He promised her that as she died in his arms.

He glared when he heard gagging coming from the bathroom down the hall. As he thundered through the cluttered living room, dodging dirty clothes and scraps of would-be inventions, he thought about how the last time he'd seen the man.

They'd split up after Tessa's funeral, but he'd heard Yeager had landed himself an apartment and a job as a mechanic.

It was better than he was doing when Tessa was alive. A bitter laugh tried to escape his lips as contempt for the man down the hall grew.

The first time he'd checked up on him after the funeral had been two months afterwards. He'd only stayed long enough to make sure the man was alive. He didn't care that Cade was drowning himself in liquor.

He'd left, leaving the man to wallow in self-pity. It was his fault anyway. It was his fault Tessa had died. If he hadn't involved her...if he'd just gotten rid of the damned truck, she would have lived. Lucas would have lived.

He tried not to remind himself that the rest of the world would be gone.

Because if that happened, he'd wouldn't be able to blame anyone.

He pulled himself out of his thoughts and slammed the door to the bathroom open. His first desire was to yell at the figure puking up last night liquor in the toilet, but then he noticed the pools of red covering the floor. "What the hell?"

He didn't expect a response, and he didn't get one. Only a soft grunt was heard before more wretching produced another bout of sickness from the man.

"Lucky Charms." The man said, voice soft as he finally turned from the toilet and wiped his mouth with the heel of his hand. It stained his face red with the blood that seemed to have only recently started to clot the wounds on his wrists.

Shane eyed the wounds without saying anything. He'd known a few kids in high school who'd hurt themselves, but he thought it was just something you'd grow out of. He'd never heard of grown men doing it.

Then again, most grown men didn't kill their daughters.

"It's your own fucking fault." He said, sitting himself down so that he was leaning against the opposite wall.

He didn't get the response he expected; denial, rage, anger. He didn't get anything at all except for a small, hopeless nod.

"If you hadn't involved her she'd still be here!" He yelled, tears building in his own eyes as he thought of the girl he had loved. He'd been with many people since then, but not seriously. Only long enough to relieve the stress before moving on.

Because no matter who he was with, if he was with them long enough he would start to pick out the similarities between Tessa and the man or woman he was with.

"I know!" The man yelled. Shane watched in morbid fascination as the man seemed to unconsciously dig his fingernails into the scabs, reopening the wounds. "I know it is! I'm a fucking moron. I should've died!" The fingernails were removed, and a towel was hastily grabbed off the counters as he wiped the blood from his arm. "It should've been me."

"Yeah," Shane agreed, still eyeing the blood stained floors with interest. He rubbed the rim of his shoe against it and saw the blood flake off. He quirked his lip in disgust.

"I've tried." Shane's eyes widened as he looked at the man.

"Tried what?" He already knew. He shouldn't have been as surprised as he was. The cuts on his wrist were deep, and there were other scars protruding from the skin, but he never thought the man would go that far.

"You already know." Shane let the room sink into silence before he snatched the towel away from the man and stood up to wet it in the sink. When he crouched back on the floor he began to wash the blood away, picking up the razor blade as he did so, and dropping it in the trashcan.

Once the bathroom was cleaned he left to fix up the rest of the house. Tessa had asked him to take care of her dad, and if cleaning up the other man's messes was all that entailed, then he would do it.

* * *

When the last dish was put in it's place Shane walked back to the bathroom only to find that Cade had somehow managed to move himself to the bedroom without him noticing.

"I never had a problem with you dating her." The man said once Shane walked into the room. Shane snorted. He'd known that from the beginning.

"I know." He took a seat next to the man on the bed and glanced at the now bandaged wounds. He couldn't see any blood leaking through the cloth, so they must have stopped bleeding. "When did you start?"

"This?" Cade asked, gesturing to the wounds. Shane nodded. "The day she died. I got so angry I grabbed a piece of metal off the road. Optimus stopped me before I could do any real damage."

"Saved by a robot?" Shane snorted, his contempt for the man gone for the moment. He wanted to blame the man, and for fourteen months he'd managed to, but that was selfish of him.

The man was clearly blaming himself enough already and while he wanted to blame Cade, he knew it wasn't fair. Tessa would've gone with her father anyway, the CIA would've done the same thing.

But blaming someone was easier than admitting that it would've happened no matter what the circumstances were. That there would've a way to save her if Cade hadn't been so stupid.

But there wasn't. Because Cade wasn't stupid and Cade was mourning just as much as he was .

In much more destructive ways.

"She would hate to see you like this." Shane said, after a moment of no response from the older man.

"I know." The older man said. "But it's harder to get over when the only person my daughter ever loved hates me."

Shane felt his gut wrench. "I want to hate you. But I don't."

"Why?" The man asked, lifting his head to stare the younger man in the eyes.

"Because I can't bring myself to hate the only person she ever loved."


End file.
